Shakespeare Sonnet 42: That Thou Hast It Is Not All My Grief
That thou hast her it is not all my grief,
And yet it may be said I loved her dearly;
That she hath thee is of my wailing chief,
A loss in love that touches me more nearly.
Loving offenders thus I will excuse ye:
Thou dost love her, because thou know’st I love her;
And for my sake even so doth she abuse me,
Suffering my friend for my sake to approve her.
If I lose thee, my loss is my love’s gain,
And losing her, my friend hath found that loss;
Both find each other, and I lose both twain,
And both for my sake lay on me this cross:
But here’s the joy; my friend and I are one;
Sweet flattery! then she loves but me alone.
Line 1: That thou hast her it is not all my grief,
Difficult Words and Meanings:
- Thou hast her: You have her (the woman).
- Grief: Sorrow or pain.
In-Depth Explanation:
The speaker begins by stating that the beloved’s possession of the woman (“thou hast her”) is not the entirety of his sorrow. This suggests that while the beloved’s relationship with the woman is painful, it is not the sole source of the speaker’s grief. The line sets up the central conflict of the sonnet: the speaker’s complex emotions about the beloved and the woman.
Context:
This sonnet is part of Shakespeare’s sequence addressed to the “Fair Youth.” The speaker is grappling with the beloved’s relationship with a woman, possibly the same woman the speaker also loves. The line reflects the speaker’s attempt to rationalize his feelings and understand the dynamics of the situation.
Line 2: And yet it may be said I loved her dearly;
Difficult Words and Meanings:
- Dearly: Deeply or affectionately.
In-Depth Explanation:
The speaker admits that he loved the woman deeply (“dearly”). This acknowledgment adds complexity to his grief, as he is not only hurt by the beloved’s actions but also by the loss of his own relationship with the woman.
Context:
This line reveals the speaker’s emotional vulnerability and his sense of loss. It introduces the theme of love triangles and the pain of unrequited or betrayed love.
Line 3: That she hath thee is of my wailing chief,
Difficult Words and Meanings:
- Hath thee: Has you (the beloved).
- Wailing: Mourning or lamenting.
- Chief: The main or primary cause.
In-Depth Explanation:
The speaker states that the woman’s possession of the beloved (“she hath thee”) is the primary source of his sorrow (“my wailing chief”). This suggests that the speaker’s pain is more deeply rooted in the beloved’s relationship with the woman than in his own loss of her.
Context:
This line highlights the speaker’s prioritization of his relationship with the beloved over his relationship with the woman. It reflects the theme of loyalty and the complexity of emotional attachments.
Line 4: A loss in love that touches me more nearly.
Difficult Words and Meanings:
- Loss in love: The emotional pain of losing love.
- Touches me more nearly: Affects me more deeply or personally.
In-Depth Explanation:
The speaker describes the beloved’s relationship with the woman as a “loss in love” that affects him more deeply than his own loss of the woman. This suggests that the speaker’s bond with the beloved is stronger or more significant than his bond with the woman.
Context:
This line reinforces the speaker’s emotional prioritization of the beloved. It reflects the theme of love triangles and the pain of divided loyalties.
Line 5: Loving offenders thus I will excuse ye:
Difficult Words and Meanings:
- Loving offenders: Those who have wronged the speaker out of love.
- Excuse ye: Forgive you (archaic).
In-Depth Explanation:
The speaker refers to the beloved and the woman as “loving offenders,” suggesting that their actions, while hurtful, are motivated by love. He declares that he will forgive them, reflecting his generosity and his attempt to rationalize their behavior.
Context:
This line introduces the theme of forgiveness and the speaker’s willingness to excuse the beloved and the woman for their actions. It reflects the complexity of love and the speaker’s struggle to reconcile his feelings.
Line 6: Thou dost love her, because thou know’st I love her;
Difficult Words and Meanings:
- Dost: Do (archaic).
- Know’st: Know (archaic).
In-Depth Explanation:
The speaker suggests that the beloved loves the woman because he knows the speaker loves her. This implies that the beloved’s actions are influenced by his awareness of the speaker’s feelings, adding a layer of complexity to the situation.
Context:
This line reflects the speaker’s attempt to understand the beloved’s motivations. It introduces the theme of jealousy and the interconnectedness of their emotions.
Line 7: And for my sake even so doth she abuse me,
Difficult Words and Meanings:
- Doth: Does (archaic).
- Abuse: Mistreat or deceive.
In-Depth Explanation:
The speaker suggests that the woman mistreats or deceives him (“abuse me”) for the sake of the beloved. This implies that the woman’s actions are also influenced by her relationship with the beloved, further complicating the dynamics of the love triangle.
Context:
This line highlights the interconnectedness of the relationships and the speaker’s sense of being caught in the middle. It reflects the theme of betrayal and the complexity of love.
Line 8: Suffering my friend for my sake to approve her.
Difficult Words and Meanings:
- Suffering: Allowing or permitting.
- Approve: Accept or endorse.
In-Depth Explanation:
The speaker suggests that he allows the beloved (“my friend”) to accept or endorse the woman for his own sake. This reflects the speaker’s willingness to endure pain for the sake of the beloved’s happiness.
Context:
This line underscores the speaker’s selflessness and his prioritization of the beloved’s well-being over his own. It reflects the theme of sacrifice and the complexity of love.
Line 9: If I lose thee, my loss is my love’s gain,
Difficult Words and Meanings:
- Thee: You (the beloved).
- Love’s gain: The woman’s benefit.
In-Depth Explanation:
The speaker reflects on the paradox of his situation: if he loses the beloved, the woman gains (“my love’s gain”). This suggests that the speaker’s loss is intertwined with the woman’s gain, adding to his sense of emotional conflict.
Context:
This line highlights the interconnectedness of the relationships and the speaker’s sense of being caught in a web of conflicting emotions. It reflects the theme of love triangles and the pain of divided loyalties.
Line 10: And losing her, my friend hath found that loss;
Difficult Words and Meanings:
- Hath found that loss: Has gained from my loss.
In-Depth Explanation:
The speaker continues to explore the paradox: if he loses the woman, the beloved gains (“my friend hath found that loss”). This reinforces the idea that the speaker’s loss is someone else’s gain, deepening his sense of emotional conflict.
Context:
This line underscores the interconnectedness of the relationships and the speaker’s sense of being caught in a web of conflicting emotions. It reflects the theme of love triangles and the pain of divided loyalties.
Line 11: Both find each other, and I lose both twain,
Difficult Words and Meanings:
- Twain: Two (archaic).
In-Depth Explanation:
The speaker laments that the beloved and the woman have found each other, while he loses both of them. This reflects his sense of isolation and his awareness of being excluded from their relationship.
Context:
This line highlights the speaker’s sense of loss and his awareness of being left out. It reflects the theme of love triangles and the pain of divided loyalties.
Line 12: And both for my sake lay on me this cross:
Difficult Words and Meanings:
- Cross: Burden or suffering.
In-Depth Explanation:
The speaker suggests that both the beloved and the woman have burdened him with their relationship (“lay on me this cross”). This reflects his sense of being unfairly punished or made to suffer for their actions.
Context:
This line underscores the speaker’s sense of victimization and his awareness of the emotional toll of the situation. It reflects the theme of sacrifice and the complexity of love.
Line 13: But here’s the joy; my friend and I are one;
Difficult Words and Meanings:
- Joy: Happiness or comfort.
- One: Unified or inseparable.
In-Depth Explanation:
The speaker finds solace in the idea that he and the beloved are “one,” meaning they are deeply connected or inseparable. This suggests that their bond transcends the pain caused by the woman.
Context:
This line introduces a note of consolation, as the speaker finds comfort in his unity with the beloved. It reflects the theme of enduring love and the strength of their bond.
Line 14: Sweet flattery! then she loves but me alone.
Difficult Words and Meanings:
- Sweet flattery: Pleasant self-deception or consolation.
- Loves but me alone: Loves only me.
In-Depth Explanation:
The speaker concludes by indulging in “sweet flattery,” convincing himself that the woman loves only him. This reflects his attempt to find comfort in self-deception, even as he acknowledges the complexity of the situation.
Context:
This line encapsulates the central theme of the sonnet: the speaker’s struggle to reconcile his feelings and find solace in the midst of emotional conflict. It reflects the theme of love triangles and the complexity of human emotions.
Summary of the Sonnet:
Sonnet 42 explores the theme of love triangles and the complexity of human emotions. The speaker grapples with the beloved’s relationship with a woman, whom the speaker also loves. He attempts to rationalize their actions, attributing them to love and loyalty, but he also experiences deep pain and a sense of loss. The sonnet reflects the speaker’s struggle to reconcile his feelings, find solace in his unity with the beloved, and navigate the emotional complexities of the situation. The final lines highlight the speaker’s attempt to find comfort in self-deception, underscoring the theme of love’s enduring power and the challenges it poses.
In-Depth Analysis of Sonnet 42
Summary:
In Sonnet 42, the speaker grapples with a double betrayal—the loss of both a beloved friend and a romantic partner to each other. The sonnet follows the psychological turmoil of jealousy, loss, and self-deception as the speaker attempts to rationalize the painful situation.
The first quatrain opens with an admission that while losing the woman he loved is painful, it is not the most significant grief. The greater wound is that she has chosen his dear friend instead. This establishes the central theme of the poem: the speaker’s sorrow is intensified because his love and his friend have become romantically involved, excluding him from both relationships.
The second quatrain offers an attempt at rationalization and justification. The speaker suggests that the friend loves the woman only because the speaker once loved her, and likewise, the woman is with the friend because she wishes to maintain a connection to the speaker. This logic suggests that their love is not genuine but rather an extension of the speaker’s own desires, allowing him to lessen the betrayal.
In the third quatrain, the speaker acknowledges the full weight of his loss. He loses both his friend and his lover, while they find each other. The paradox of loss and gain intensifies the emotional conflict—the speaker feels abandoned while simultaneously realizing that his pain is the price of their happiness. The imagery of “lay on me this cross” evokes religious suffering, suggesting that he bears the weight of their betrayal as a kind of martyrdom.
The final couplet introduces an ironic and self-deceptive resolution. The speaker clings to the idea that, since he and his friend are deeply connected, his friend’s romantic union with the woman is merely an extension of his own love for her. This “sweet flattery” is clearly a desperate and unconvincing illusion, revealing the depth of his emotional pain.
Critical Analysis:
Sonnet 42 is one of Shakespeare’s most poignant explorations of jealousy, loss, and self-delusion. The sonnet is part of the Fair Youth sequence, where the speaker often expresses admiration, desire, and devotion toward a young man. However, here the tone shifts to betrayal—the young man and the speaker’s mistress have formed a relationship, leaving the speaker abandoned.
A key theme is the paradox of possession and loss. The speaker suggests that because he and his friend are “one,” the woman still, in a way, belongs to him. This argument is illogical yet deeply human—it reveals an attempt to soften the sting of betrayal by maintaining a sense of control over the situation. However, the final line’s exclamation—”Sweet flattery!”—makes it clear that this is a hollow consolation.
The sonnet also presents a profound exploration of the complexities of love and friendship. The speaker does not fully condemn his friend or his mistress, which suggests an internal conflict:
- He rationalizes their actions by saying they still love him in some way.
- Yet, he also recognizes that their love has resulted in his exclusion.
This creates an emotional contradiction—the speaker is both trying to forgive them and repress his own pain, but his ultimate realization is one of profound loneliness and loss.
The tone of the poem shifts from sadness to rationalization and finally to bitter irony. This progression mirrors the psychological process of heartbreak—first comes the raw pain, then the attempt to understand and justify, and finally the self-delusion that only deepens the wound.
Theme Analysis:
- Betrayal and Loss:
- The speaker is abandoned by both his lover and his friend, leading to a sense of emotional isolation.
- This betrayal is made worse because the speaker still loves both of them.
- Rationalization as a Defense Mechanism:
- The speaker tries to lessen his pain by convincing himself that their love is merely a reflection of his own.
- This highlights the human tendency to deny painful truths rather than face them.
- The Interplay of Love and Friendship:
- The sonnet explores how romantic and platonic love can come into conflict.
- The speaker feels that his friend’s romantic involvement has replaced their friendship, making the betrayal more painful.
- Self-Deception:
- The final couplet is an example of desperate flattery, where the speaker clings to an illusion rather than accepting reality.
- This suggests that sometimes, when love is lost, people prefer to live in comforting lies rather than face painful truths.
- Paradox of Gain and Loss:
- The sonnet plays with the idea that while the speaker has lost both his lover and friend, they have gained each other.
- Love is often presented as a zero-sum game—one person’s happiness comes at the cost of another’s suffering.
Literary Devices and Techniques:
- Paradox and Irony:
- “If I lose thee, my loss is my love’s gain”—The speaker acknowledges that his loss enables the happiness of his loved ones, but this irony only deepens his sorrow.
- “My friend and I are one”—This claim is both true and false. While they were once close, the friend’s actions have now divided them.
- Personification:
- “Love’s gain” and “Love’s loss”—Love is depicted as an independent force that shifts between individuals.
- Alliteration and Repetition:
- “Both find each other, and I lose both twain”—The repetition of “both” emphasizes the speaker’s exclusion.
- Metaphor of the Cross:
- “Lay on me this cross”—A clear allusion to Christ’s suffering, suggesting that the speaker feels martyr-like pain in enduring this betrayal.
- Hyperbolic Self-Flattery:
- The final couplet—where the speaker convinces himself that since he and his friend are “one,” his lover still loves him—is an exaggerated attempt at consolation.
Conclusion:
Sonnet 42 is a powerful meditation on the pain of betrayal, the psychological mechanisms of denial, and the entanglement of love and friendship. The speaker cannot bring himself to fully condemn his friend and lover, and instead, he searches for ways to soften the emotional impact of their actions. However, the attempt at rationalization fails, leaving only bitter irony and a deeper sense of loneliness.
The final line—“Sweet flattery! then she loves but me alone.”—exposes the human tendency to cling to comforting illusions rather than confront painful truths. Shakespeare masterfully captures the complex emotions of heartbreak, making Sonnet 42 one of the most poignant pieces in the Fair Youth sequence.
