Sonnet 120: That You Were Once Unkind Befriends Me Now
That you were once unkind befriends me now,
And for that sorrow, which I then did feel,
Needs must I under my transgression bow,
Unless my nerves were brass or hammer’d steel.
For if you were by my unkindness shaken,
As I by yours, you’ve passed a hell of time;
And I, a tyrant, have no leisure taken
To weigh how once I suffered in your crime.
O! that our night of woe might have remembered
My deepest sense, how hard true sorrow hits,
And soon to you, as you to me, then tendered
The humble salve, which wounded bosoms fits!
But that your trespass now becomes a fee;
Mine ransoms yours, and yours must ransom me.
Line 1:
“That you were once unkind befriends me now,”
Difficult Words Meaning:
- Unkind: Cruel or harsh.
- Befriends: Helps or supports.
In-Depth Explanation of Text and Context:
The sonnet opens with the poet reflecting on the beloved’s past unkindness, suggesting that it now helps him understand his own faults. This implies that the poet has gained insight and empathy from the beloved’s previous actions.
The line sets the tone for the sonnet, which explores the idea that mutual suffering and forgiveness can strengthen a relationship.
Line 2:
“And for that sorrow, which I then did feel,”
Difficult Words Meaning:
- Sorrow: Pain or grief.
In-Depth Explanation of Text and Context:
The poet recalls the sorrow he felt when the beloved was unkind to him, suggesting that this experience has given him a deeper understanding of his own actions. This reflects the idea that suffering can lead to personal growth and empathy.
The line reinforces the poet’s reflection on the past and its impact on his present understanding.
Line 3:
“Needs must I under my transgression bow,”
Difficult Words Meaning:
- Needs must: Must necessarily.
- Transgression: Wrongdoing or fault.
- Bow: Submit or yield.
In-Depth Explanation of Text and Context:
The poet acknowledges that he must submit to the consequences of his own wrongdoing, suggesting that he is ready to take responsibility for his actions. This reflects the idea that the poet has gained humility and self-awareness from his experiences.
The line reinforces the poet’s sense of accountability and his willingness to make amends.
Line 4:
“Unless my nerves were brass or hammer’d steel.”
Difficult Words Meaning:
- Nerves: Strength or resilience.
- Brass or hammer’d steel: Symbols of hardness or insensitivity.
In-Depth Explanation of Text and Context:
The poet declares that he must submit to the consequences of his actions unless he were completely insensitive, suggesting that he is not immune to the effects of his wrongdoing. This reflects the idea that the poet has gained humility and self-awareness from his experiences.
The line reinforces the poet’s sense of accountability and his willingness to make amends.
Line 5:
“For if you were by my unkindness shaken,”
Difficult Words Meaning:
- Shaken: Disturbed or hurt.
In-Depth Explanation of Text and Context:
The poet considers how the beloved might have been hurt by his own unkindness, suggesting that he is reflecting on the impact of his actions on the beloved. This reflects the idea that the poet has gained empathy and understanding from his experiences.
The line reinforces the poet’s sense of accountability and his willingness to make amends.
Line 6:
“As I by yours, you’ve passed a hell of time;”
Difficult Words Meaning:
- Hell of time: A period of intense suffering.
In-Depth Explanation of Text and Context:
The poet acknowledges that the beloved has endured a period of intense suffering due to his unkindness, just as he has suffered from the beloved’s past actions. This reflects the idea that both the poet and the beloved have experienced pain and have gained insight from their suffering.
The line reinforces the poet’s sense of empathy and his recognition of the beloved’s suffering.
Line 7:
“And I, a tyrant, have no leisure taken”
Difficult Words Meaning:
- Tyrant: A cruel or oppressive ruler.
- Leisure: Time or opportunity.
In-Depth Explanation of Text and Context:
The poet describes himself as a tyrant who has not taken the time to reflect on the impact of his actions, suggesting that he has been neglectful and insensitive. This reflects the idea that the poet has gained humility and self-awareness from his experiences.
The line reinforces the poet’s sense of accountability and his willingness to make amends.
Line 8:
“To weigh how once I suffered in your crime.”
Difficult Words Meaning:
- Weigh: Consider or reflect on.
- Crime: Wrongdoing or fault.
In-Depth Explanation of Text and Context:
The poet admits that he has not taken the time to reflect on how he suffered from the beloved’s past actions, suggesting that he has been neglectful and insensitive. This reflects the idea that the poet has gained humility and self-awareness from his experiences.
The line reinforces the poet’s sense of accountability and his willingness to make amends.
Line 9:
“O! that our night of woe might have remembered”
Difficult Words Meaning:
- Night of woe: A period of suffering or grief.
- Remembered: Recalled or reflected on.
In-Depth Explanation of Text and Context:
The poet laments that their period of suffering might have been remembered, suggesting that he wishes they had reflected on their pain and learned from it sooner. This reflects the idea that the poet has gained insight and empathy from his experiences.
The line reinforces the poet’s sense of regret and his desire for mutual understanding.
Line 10:
“My deepest sense, how hard true sorrow hits,”
Difficult Words Meaning:
- Deepest sense: Most profound understanding.
- True sorrow: Genuine pain or grief.
In-Depth Explanation of Text and Context:
The poet reflects on how deeply true sorrow affects him, suggesting that he has gained a profound understanding of the impact of pain and suffering. This reflects the idea that the poet has gained insight and empathy from his experiences.
The line reinforces the poet’s sense of regret and his desire for mutual understanding.
Line 11:
“And soon to you, as you to me, then tendered”
Difficult Words Meaning:
- Tendered: Offered or given.
In-Depth Explanation of Text and Context:
The poet wishes that he had offered the beloved the same comfort and understanding that the beloved once offered him, suggesting that he has gained insight and empathy from his experiences. This reflects the idea that the poet has learned the importance of mutual support and forgiveness.
The line reinforces the poet’s sense of regret and his desire for mutual understanding.
Line 12:
“The humble salve, which wounded bosoms fits!”
Difficult Words Meaning:
- Humble salve: A gentle remedy or comfort.
- Wounded bosoms: Hurt hearts or emotions.
In-Depth Explanation of Text and Context:
The poet describes the comfort and understanding that he wishes he had offered the beloved, suggesting that he has gained insight and empathy from his experiences. This reflects the idea that the poet has learned the importance of mutual support and forgiveness.
The line reinforces the poet’s sense of regret and his desire for mutual understanding.
Line 13:
“But that your trespass now becomes a fee;”
Difficult Words Meaning:
- Trespass: Wrongdoing or fault.
- Fee: Payment or compensation.
In-Depth Explanation of Text and Context:
The poet reflects on how the beloved’s past wrongdoing now serves as a form of payment or compensation, suggesting that their mutual suffering has led to a deeper understanding and reconciliation. This reflects the idea that the poet has gained insight and empathy from his experiences.
The line reinforces the poet’s sense of reconciliation and his recognition of the positive aspects of their mutual suffering.
Line 14:
“Mine ransoms yours, and yours must ransom me.”
Difficult Words Meaning:
- Ransoms: Redeems or compensates for.
In-Depth Explanation of Text and Context:
The sonnet concludes with the poet declaring that his wrongdoing compensates for the beloved’s, and vice versa, suggesting that their mutual suffering has led to a deeper understanding and reconciliation. This reflects the idea that the poet has gained insight and empathy from his experiences.
The line reinforces the poet’s sense of reconciliation and his recognition of the positive aspects of their mutual suffering.
Summary of the Sonnet:
Sonnet 120 explores the idea that mutual suffering and forgiveness can strengthen a relationship. The poet reflects on the beloved’s past unkindness and his own wrongdoing, acknowledging that both have caused pain and suffering. He wishes that they had reflected on their suffering sooner and offered each other comfort and understanding. The poet concludes that their mutual wrongdoing compensates for each other’s, suggesting that their suffering has led to a deeper understanding and reconciliation. The sonnet reflects Shakespeare’s exploration of the transformative power of mutual suffering and forgiveness, as well as the poet’s recognition of the positive aspects of their shared experiences.
In-Depth Analysis of Sonnet 120
Summary
In Sonnet 120, Shakespeare reflects on past wrongs in his relationship, acknowledging both his own faults and those of his beloved. The poem opens with an unexpected statement: the beloved’s previous cruelty now “befriends” the speaker, meaning that it has become beneficial in some way. The reason for this reversal is that the speaker now recognizes that he, too, has been guilty of unkindness, and he must humble himself in acknowledgment of his own transgressions.
The speaker imagines that if his beloved suffered from his cruelty as much as he did from theirs, then they must have endured terrible emotional torment (“a hell of time”). He criticizes himself for having been too self-absorbed to consider the pain he once inflicted.
In the third quatrain, he wishes that his past suffering had taught him more compassion—had he remembered “how hard true sorrow hits,” he might have more quickly offered comfort and reconciliation. Instead, he realizes that their mutual wrongs now act as a kind of transaction: his past mistake “ransoms” the beloved’s, and vice versa. They are bound together by mutual guilt and the necessity of mutual forgiveness.
Critical Analysis
This sonnet explores the cyclical nature of hurt and reconciliation in relationships. Unlike other sonnets in the Fair Youth sequence that depict the speaker as purely the victim, Sonnet 120 presents a more balanced perspective: both the speaker and the beloved have been unkind to each other, and their wrongs now function as a form of emotional currency.
The poem employs the language of law and debt—words such as “ransoms” and “fee” suggest that forgiveness is a transaction rather than an unconditional gift. This framing reflects a Renaissance concern with balance and justice, even in personal relationships. The sonnet also suggests that suffering teaches wisdom. The speaker regrets that he did not remember his own pain when he had the opportunity to be merciful, implying that experience should cultivate empathy.
Unlike some of Shakespeare’s darker sonnets on betrayal, this poem contains an implicit hope for reconciliation. The final couplet suggests that mutual suffering has created an opportunity for mutual forgiveness, reinforcing the idea that love is strengthened through adversity.
Theme Analysis
- Mutual Guilt and Forgiveness
- Unlike in many of Shakespeare’s sonnets, where the speaker suffers alone, this poem presents both parties as equally flawed. Their wrongs “ransom” each other, suggesting that both must atone in order to restore harmony.
- The Transformative Power of Suffering
- The sonnet argues that pain can be a teacher. The speaker now realizes that his past suffering should have made him more compassionate, showing how experience shapes emotional maturity.
- The Cyclical Nature of Love and Hurt
- Love is portrayed as a series of wrongs and reconciliations rather than an idealized state. The poem suggests that relationships are constantly evolving through conflict and resolution.
- Justice and Emotional Debt
- The language of financial transactions suggests that love, at least in the speaker’s eyes, involves an exchange of emotional debts. Each wrong must be balanced by an act of atonement, reinforcing a Renaissance view of moral equilibrium.
Literary Devices
- Metaphor
- “A hell of time” – The beloved’s suffering is equated with hell, emphasizing the depth of emotional pain.
- “Mine ransoms yours, and yours must ransom me” – The concept of forgiveness is framed as a ransom, suggesting that their mutual sins cancel each other out like debts.
- Personification
- “That you were once unkind befriends me now” – The idea that past cruelty could “befriend” the speaker personifies past suffering, giving it an active role in shaping wisdom.
- Irony
- The opening line presents a paradox: how can a past wrong be a good thing? The irony is that suffering leads to personal growth, turning pain into a benefit.
- Alliteration
- “Mine ransoms yours, and yours must ransom me” – The repetition of “r” sounds enhances the sense of reciprocity in their emotional debts.
- Imagery
- “My deepest sense, how hard true sorrow hits” – The physical imagery of sorrow “hitting” reinforces its intensity.
Conclusion
Sonnet 120 presents a mature reflection on love, guilt, and forgiveness. Shakespeare moves beyond simple themes of betrayal or idealized affection, instead depicting love as a dynamic, often painful process of mutual learning. The poem suggests that suffering, rather than being purely negative, can cultivate wisdom and empathy. The final resolution—that both must ransom each other’s sins—acknowledges that love is built not on perfection, but on the ability to forgive.
